Mrs White

Mrs White 

"Thank you for inspiring my son"

Ma maw wrote tae Mrs White

But ma maw didnae ken

There were twa Mrs Whites

Guid Mrs White

Read braw stories on Friday

And did aw the voices

And kent bits o science

Jist flooer science, mind ye

No space or rockets

But it wis mairn maist teachers

Except the heidmaister

The ither Mrs White

Gied ye big stupit rows

If ye watched ITV

But no Ivanhoe.

You don't watch Ivanhoe?

Find Sir Walter Scott a bit beneath you?

Well, Mr White doesn't.

She wis like Jerry the moose

Wha ance drank this ginger

And turnt intae a monster

That Tom Cat wis feart o

And she'd turn back

And be awfy nice

And dae some flooer science

Then go aff her heid

Not one of you children

Has written in their diaries

That the coltsfoot is now in bloom!

Ah made a wee licht

Wi wire and a battery

And shawed Mrs White

Because it wis science

And she said Ah wis clever

And Mr White wis a teacher

Ah could gang tae her hoose

And he'd shaw me mair lichts.

Ah wisnae that keen

Tae gang tae her hoose

So Ah tellt Mrs White

"Oh I might have a book"

Moose

Ginger

Monster

Ew Eh meght hev eh book!

Eh'm tew hegh end meghty

Tew talk tew a person, Eh've got a book!

She went on and on

But it didnae stap there

Efter weeks and weeks

Anither teacher cam in

Here's a boy, Mrs Glenmoor, 

Who when you offer him the chance

To meet a teacher from the big school

Says, "Ew, Eh meght hev a book!"

What sort of person

Would rather look at a book

Than talk to a person?

And Ah wished it was Star Trek

And Scotty wid beam me

Or Ah wis the Blue Peter tortoise

And could hide in ma jumper

Ah couldnae be like whit

Mrs White must hae been

When she was a lassie

Wi jist Ivanhoe

And fillin her diary

Wi the coltsfoot in bloom

And no feart tae gang

Tae her auld teacher's hoose

Oh mother, Ivanhoe is finished

And it's just that awful Thunderbirds

So I'm off to my teacher's house

To learn about lights

From her husband from the big school

And I'll make sure I look

To see if the coltsfoot is now in bloom.

And nane o her stories

Were as excitin as Batman

And nane o her flooer science

Wis as guid as ma book

But efter aw that

-Ye micht no believe me-

Ma maist favourite teacher

Wis guid Mrs White.